I wont say which city I work in, or which storm it was, but there was a hurricane that passed through our town. This storm wreaked havoc, turning thousands of people into worthless, inept, entitled, begging, victims, waiting for government programs to bail them out of their lack of preparation. Then, when they got their handouts, they actually complained that the government was not doing enough to help. How did it ever become the job of the government to ensure that everyone is well-fed, warm, dry, housed, healthy, and generally happy? The RIGHT to life, liberty, and property is not the same as ENSURING life, liberty, and property. Also, these victims couldnt be happy that they got a LITTLE help from a charitable organization (which collects its donations with guns and force); these losers are actually irrate that the charitable organization didnt do more or do it quicker. The following are some of the ambulance runs I made during the storm recovery... House A Blaze 8:44 Electricity came back on at a house that wasnt quite ready for it. The electricity shorted out some stuff in the kitchen, and started a small fire under the cabinets. We hung out for a little while, watched the brave firefighters extinguish the blaze, and then took off.

We were called to a high-end loft apartment of a 33 y/o BF, for an attempted suicide. When we got the call, the notes on our computer said that she was shooting up the place with a shotgun, and shes about to shoot herself. It sounded like a TRUE emergency, so we only took a few more bites of our dinners, and then we moseyed on over there. They called the right ambulance driver, because if anyone can talk someone out of shooting themselves, I can. My technique...based on the theory that people usually only kill themselves when they are coming OUT of depression...I use my verbal skills to drive them deep enough back into depression that they no longer have the willpower or self-respect to kill themselves. Her girlfriend (the apparent femme in the relationship) called us because she got scared when the patient fired the shotgun in the house and blew a hole in the ceiling. That would explain why shes the femme...only a femme would be scared of a little shotgun fire in the house. The patient was trying to make her girlfriend think she was trying to shoot herself, and she accidentally missed. The rest of us arent fooled by that sharade...you would have to be a complete failure to miss your own head with a shotgun. When we got there, and after the police made sure the scene was safe for a couple of EMS pansies, the patient and her girlfriend were sitting in the kitchen arguing about you dont love me anymore and why did you call the cops?...you betrayed me. The gun was on the bed in the bedroom, and there was in fact, a big hole in the ceiling. The police took all of her guns away (perks of the job, I guess...we get free band-aids...they get guns), and after about an hour of trying to verbally persuade her to go to the hospital, the police forced her to go to the county mental health hospital. She did not go easily. The police had to kick her ass a little. It turns out, the patient was a federal police officer, so she kind of knew her way around resisting arrest. You would think that would be the end of the story, right? I mean, you figure, if somebody is being rehabilitated by the county, theyre going to emerge as a well-adjusted, mentally stable person, right? Plus that, the government took away all her guns...how would someone without guns hurt themselves or others, right? Two weeks later, we got called to the same apartment. This time the computer said that the patient was inside the apartment, she had a gun, and she was waiting for the police to break in so she could fire at them, hoping they would return fire and kill her (police assisted suicide). When we arrived, there was no shortage of police on hand. They live for this stuff. I dont know if their motivation was more to save her from shooting herself, or if they were hoping to be the one who got to shoot her. They were all dressed in their semi-SWAT gear. A couple of guys even had shotguns and assault rifles. They asked us to breach the door, and when we did, the door only opened about a foot, being stopped by someone standing behind the door. The cops started yelling, "shes behind the door...shes got a gun...put the gun down, mother fuck#r...come out, god damn#t, ....put the fucki#g gun down..." They continued yelling at her for about 10 minutes. The neighbors were poking their heads out of their doors, trying to see what was going on, and then quickly retreating, like a bunch cowardly sissies. We, of course, were hiding out 10-15 feet down the hall, waiting for the gun fight to end, like a bunch of cowardly sissies. After about 10 minutes, one of the officers got really brave and looked in the crack in the door...then...Bang, Splat...the officers brains were sprayed all over the wall, ceiling, and all over the other officers. The other officers started firing at the girl, then she fired back, and when the smoke cleared, the girl was dead, and 8 officers were dead...it was a total bloodbath. Just kidding..., when the officer looked in the crack, he saw a rope and said, "shes got a rope!...shes got a fucki#g rope!... ...(pause) ... ...why does she have a fucki#g rope?" Then he re-acquired some courage, got closer, and looked again. When he looked in the crack, he saw her looking back at him through the crack. He jumped back, processed what he saw, and said, "I think shes hanging by the rope." They looked again and verified that she was in fact hanging by a rope behind the door. We all felt kind of sheepish for engaging in a SWAT standoff and yelling obscenities at a dead, hanging chick. We did what only highly trained medical professional are capable of doing...we checked to make sure she was dead, which was apparent without even touching her, since her eyes were bugged-out & all dried up. Also, her face was white (shes a black girl), and there were hardened stalagtites of snot hanging from her nose and mouth. She also had a touch of rigormortis. She must have been dead for more than a couple of hours. She was hanging by a rope, attached to the exposed plumbing of the loft-style apartment. Her feet were about 1-2 from the gound. I have a sneaking suspicion she wasnt messing around this time. It was a tiny bit weird when I got up close and looked in her eyes...allowing myself to think illogical thoughts, just for a second, wondering if somehow she can still see me looking at her through her dead, bugged-out, dried-up eyes...and thinking it was kind of rude of me to be staring at someone like that. I also wondered, just for a second, if she could somehow hear the jokes we were telling each other about a girl hanging from a rope and about the situation, in general (SWAT standoff with a hanging chick). Dont count on a bunch of cops and firemen to solemnly respect the dead when nobody else is around...there have been a few times when weve had to take a second to collect ourselves, stop laughing, and wipe the grins off our faces before walking out where the public could see us, at the scenes of dead people. I left the scene feeling disappointed and confused. I could hardly believe that my government failed to stop her from hurting herself. You would think that taking away her guns and sending her to a government mental health rehabilitation center would do the trick. I mean, if government cant keep me from hurting myself, who can? I suddenly feel so unsafe, insecure, and scared to be alone with myself. The world is a different place.

The other day, somebody called 911 for a person who was apparently sleeping near the side of the road. When we got there, we found nothing. We called the guy back on his cell phone (the callers phone number comes up on our computer), and we asked him where the person was and how the caller knew that the person needed an ambulance. The caller said he didnt know if the person needed help, he just thought that maybe he did. We asked him if he knew if it was even a person, and he said he didnt know. We asked him why he didnt stop and find out, and he said it was because he was in a car and there was a lot of traffic. The caller was not willing to come back to the location to show us where he thought he saw a person. It gets worse... 20 minutes later, we got called to the same exact location, for the same exact thing, but it was from a different caller, who was also driving by at 50 MPH, and also didnt bother stopping to check to see if it was actually a person. We looked around and eventually we found was a pile of clothing, which was stacked on top of a bucket, and possibly, maybe appeared to be a person sleeping, from the perspective of somebody driving by at 50 MPH. We called this second caller back also. He didnt answer, so we left a message, politely asking him to return to the location, and show us where the person is that needed our help. We told him we found a pile of clothes that might look like a person (to an imbecile), but we didnt find a person. He never responded. In case anyone wants to call the guy and ask him what the hell he was thinking that night, his phone number is 512-431-2164, and his name is Chris Simonson. I dismantled the pile of clothing, and amazingly, we did not get called back to that location again. We should make a law, declaring that hobos hereby may not pile clothing in such a manner to resemble a sleeping person, punishable by banishment to Uruguay, along with the imbecile that called 911 for the pile of clothing. In our little socialist society, the ratio of basic ambulances to people is about 30,000 to 1. So, when you call an ambulance for a B.S. reason, 29,999 people dont have access to the closest ambulance, if they need one. So, At what point should YOU call 911 and ask for an emergency ambulance for someone? 1. If you think a person (verified that it is a human) might need a little help, BUT YOURE NOT WILLING TO GO FIND OUT IF HE NEEDS SOME HELP, cause youre an inconsiderate dumbass, then dont call 911 for an ambulance. 2. If theres a better-than-average possibility a person might need some help, but youre not willing to find out for sure, cause youre an inconsiderate dumbass, then dont call 911 for an ambulance. For example, someone just crashed his car, but you have no idea if hes hurt and/or if he wants an ambulance. 3. If you know a person needs some help, but you also know he doesnt need an emergency 911 ambulance, but youre not willing to take him to the hospital, and you still want to feel like youre a good person, so you think you might just call a 911 ambulance for him, cause youre an inconsiderate dumbass, then dont call 911 for an ambulance. For example, an acquaintance of yours is sick, he needs to go to the hospital, you know the only thing an ambulance can for him is give him a ride (just like you could), but you dont want to deal with it (due to blood, vomit, coughing, mucous, time, or because youd have to help him get in the car), so you just call an ambulance, because youre a Christian, and Christians call 911 for people when they want to feel good about themselves. 4. If you know a person needs to see a doctor, you know that the person needs to be moved by a stretcher (because hes an invalid or has a chronic illness), but you also know he doesnt need an EMERGENCY 911 AMBULANCE (there is no life-threatening emergency condition, for which the ambulance has a remedy, and time is not a factor...e.g., hes had a bed sore for the past two weeks...or he has the flu), and youre not willing to go through the hassle of calling and waiting for a PRIVATE AMBULANCE, so you want to just take the easy way out and call an emergency 911 ambulance, cause youre an inconsiderate dumbass, then dont call 911 for an ambulance. 5. If you know a person is dead, and you know hes been dead longer than 15 minutes (so he cant be revived), but you dont know what else to do, or you dont want to wait around for the police, cause youre an inconsiderate dumbass, then dont call 911 for an ambulance. If you didnt know before, Im telling you now. If someone is obviously dead, when you call 911, specify that the person is dead, and tell them you only need the police, not the ambulance. 911 Operators are too dumb/cautious to make decisions for themselves; you need to tell them you dont need an ambulance. Now that you know, tell a friend (along with everything else you learn on this highly educational blog). 6. If you know for a fact a person needs an emergency 911 ambulance (because youve stopped your car and asked), due to uncontrollable blood loss, an uncontrollable airway, a heart attack, a severe breathing problem, a stroke, a need for heavy splinting or spinal immobilization, or any situation where, if the person did not go by emergency 911 ambulance, his condition would get a lot worse, or he would likely die, THEN YOU CAN CALL 911 FOR AN AMBULANCE. HERES THE KEY: To know if someone needs an emergency 911 ambulances you need to ask a few questions... 1. Is it a human? 2. Does the human have a life-threatening condition for which he needs to see an ER doctor? 3. Does the human NEED a 911 emergency ambulance to get to the ER, because without it, his condition would get significantly worse?

Being the holiday season, I want to discuss Freeloading Illegal Aliens... The most frustrating part of my job is not necessarily that I missed the end of "My Name Is Earl," because I had to respond to a B.S. call, by a drive-by, cell-phone-hero; nor is it that I had to get out of bed at 4:30 AM to drive a 70 y/o WF, from an assisted-living home, to the hospital for the Flu, because she didnt want to bother her son (which happened last night). Im not frustrated because I have to work a little while Im at work. The most frustrating part of my job is having to facilitate the blatant abuse of the gubment-funded 911 emergency services, and seeing, on a run by run basis, what a complete waste of (involuntarily paid) taxpayer money the ambulance is. Ambulance abusing freeloaders come in all shapes and sizes, but a universally-despised, favorite flavor of ambulance abuser is the ILLEGAL ALIEN. Its very common to hear _OTHER_ EMS workers, hospital staff, firefighters, police officers, and bystanders say things like, "Damn illegal aliens...They shouldnt even be here," or "Why should we help them...they dont have insurance...theyre not even citizens," or "Why should the rest of us have to pay for these damn illegal aliens?" For example... We got a call at around 10 PM to a nearby _HOSPITAL_ for an ObGyn problem (I cant describe how much I love malfunctioning vagina problems). Our computer specified the room of the _HOSPITAL_ in which we could find our esteemed client. It was the Labor and Delivery department! We wondered, what are a couple of ill-equipped, under-trained, ignorant EMTs going to do for a malfunctioning vagina, that an L&D department cant do? I mean, whenever we encounter a malfunctioning vagina, thats where we take them...to the L&D department of a hospital! We arrived to find a 22 y/o hispanic female, laying on a bed, in the L&D department, wearing a hospital gown, and fully adorned in electronic medical monitoring equipment. She was 9 months pregnant, and she was well into labor. Her husband told us he wanted us to take her to a different hospital. They were unhappy with the free hospital care they were receiving at _THIS_ hospital. The patient had a C-section for her first child, and the hospital wanted to do a C-section again (its the hospitals policy). The woman did not want another C-section, but the woman didnt bother researching the hospitals policy before they showed up at the hospital to receive their free medical care. One of the nurses pulled me aside and explained the situation to me. She said, "These people are a pain in my ass. They want to have a vaginal birth, but shes had a C-section before, so we have to do a C-section for _THIS_ birth." (here comes the most interesting part of what the nurse told me) "THE THING IS...THESE PEOPLE DONT EVEN HAVE ANY INSURANCE, AND THEYRE NOT EVEN U.S. CITIZENS! THEYRE ILLEGAL ALIENS, AND THEY SHOULDNT EVEN BE HERE IN THE U.S.! Just please, get them out of here and take them to the free county hospital or something!" As it turns out, we did not take her to a different hospital. Our policy states that we cant remove patients from a facility, which is capable of handling their emergency. She was already in a facility which was capable of handling her emergency. But, my point is...(and this is going to surprise some of you Socialists)... What does citizenship status have to do with freeloading...who cares if a person is an illegal alien? How is one freeloader any better than another freeloader? Why is the general public willing to pay for non-taxpaying freeloaders born here in the United States, but somehow they have a problem with non-taxpaying freeloaders born in other countries? Why isnt the general public equally resistant to pay for ALL freeloaders? What the hell is the difference? Why does the general public seem to have bleeding-heart compassion for LEGAL losers in need of assistance, but somehow they have no compassion for ILLEGAL losers who need help? People are people, arent they? If you think we should be pay for freeloading losers, then you should want to pay for ALL of them; and conversely, if you think we shouldnt be forced to pay for ILLEGAL freeloading losers, then you should not want to force people to pay for ANY freeloading loser. Its not like theres an American flag, beating with patriotism, deep within my heart, every time I am privileged enough to pick up a pregnant 18 y/o, G-6, P-4, A-1, black female from the projects, because shes an _AMERICAN CITIZEN_; while Im indignant about picking up her illegal hispanic equivalent. Im just as irritated about facilitating the abuse of gubment services by LEGAL freeloaders as I am with ILLEGAL freeloaders. I dont want to force people to pay for either freeloading loser! I have trouble understanding the argument, "we need to run these damn illegals out of our country, cause I dont want to have to pay for their school and medical care." Well...do you think I want to pay for the school and medical care of YOUR 12-15 toothless, white-trash, _LEGAL _children? Why dont we deport YOUR freeloading white kids along with all the freeloading hispanic kids that YOU want to deport? Or...why not, instead of being upset at illegal aliens and wanting to deport them...why dont we just stop forcing taxpayers to pay for them? Would anyone even HAVE a problem with illegal aliens if they didnt have to fund their freeloading escapades? While were at it, lets stop forcing people to pay for LEGAL freeloaders as well. Would we consider ANY freeloader to be a problem, regardless of citizenship status, if we werent forced to fund and facilitate freeloaders addiction to gubment assistance? Thats the most frustrating part of my job...facilitating freeloaders addiction to gubment services, and witnessing it get worse and worse. Merry Christmas!

So I was minding my own business, happily serving the citizens of my city by providing emergency medical services, as usual, and I was called to a sick person. I arrived to find a 60+ y/o WM complaining of complications caused by his chronic illnesses. He had Hepatitis-C, and he had lost quite a bit of weight in the previous few weeks. He was dehydrated, and he thought he was about to die. To me, he also appeared to be on deaths door. He weighed about 120 pounds, and he had trouble standing up by himself. He wanted to go to the VA Hospital, so I happily obliged. I probably even said something like, "Anything youd like sir...at your service," because thats the type of civil servant I am. When he and I were alone in the back of the ambulance, on the way to the hospital, he told me I was a really nice guy, and he told me that he thought he was probably going to die soon. I didnt disagree. Then he said, "I want to tell you something...Have you ever heard of DeepThroat?" I said, "Yeah...from the Watergate thing?" (_as opposed to the porno_) Then he replied, in a very deep voice, "Well, youre looking at him." He didnt appear to be the typical crazy, drunk, delusional, Vietnam Vet; everything he had said, up until then, seemed perfectly coherent and reasonable. He was looking at me like he was dead serious, while I was smiling, waiting for the joke. All in all, I had trouble doubting what he said. I was kind of flustered and slightly incredulous, and I responded, "(uh) Really, how many people know about this?" He said, "Including you, three." I said, "Woodard, Bernstein, and me?" He said, "Yep." I proceeded to ask him a bunch of questions about his role in the government at the time, his history in the military, and the government agency for which he worked. At no point did he seem like a schizophrenic, drunk lunatic, with delusions of grandeur. I hear a lot of B.S. from our patients, but this guy did not seem like he was B.S.ing me. He told me detailed stories of being in the military and working in government agencies. I told him I was once interested in joining FBI or CIA, and he emphatically encouraged me not to do it, warning me that it would completely ruin my relationships with my wife and family. I said goodbye to him at the hospital, and I thought about it all day. I tried to think of reasons why he would be lying to me or why he might have been a crazed lunatic, but the more I thought about it, the more I became convinced that he wasnt lying. Several months later, I thought about it again, and I attempted to look on the internet to see if anyone had researched the real identity of DeepThroat. I found quite a bit of information about DeepThroat, along with several lists of possible candidates. A guy named John Dean and several other college professors had apparently dedicated their lives to finding out who DeepThroat was. I almost felt bad that these dudes had dedicated their entire lives to figuring who DeepThroat was, and all I had to do was give him a ride in the ambulance and act nice to him. Later, in 2005, it was revealed that William Mark Felt, Sr. was "DeepThroat." The funny thing was that William Mark Felt, Sr. was not the guy I transported to the hospital that day. However, it was interesting that, when it was revealed that Mr. Felt was DeepThroat, Mr. Felt had no memory of being DeepThroat. Apparently he had Alzheimers Disease, and he couldnt remember much of anything, but since everyone was telling him that he was DeepThroat, he believed it and went along with it. So...who is the real DeepThroat, and why would people want us to believe that it was William Mark Felt, Sr., when it really wasnt? Or...why was this seemingly normal & sane dude just lying to me about being DeepThroat? The world may never know. I wish I had the resources to find the guy I transported (whose name I clearly remember) and ask him about all this stuff, but hes probably dead anyway.

Im not saying I work in the City of Houston, and Im not a racist, but heres a map of the top 20 busiest fire stations within the City of Houston (in red writing) on a US Census Bureau map overlay reflecting concentrations of black people (dark green is the highest concentration). Its just interesting information, nothing more, nothing less...Im not saying there is any correlation, and Im not making any judgement...Im just sayin, know what Im sayin? You can draw your own conclusions about whether or not you think theres a correlation between high concentrations of black people and busy fire stations.

At one point, 100+ years ago, there were a bunch of states that feared the U.S. federal government would come and take away their sovereignty. Now, you would be hard pressed to find a freedom-loving American (Republican or Democrat) that doesnt think the U.S. federal government, in its current form, with a few minor adjustments, is a great idea. In fact, you would be hard pressed to find an American that wouldnt proudly put his hand over his heart and heil the U.S. federal government. Ask any Democrat or Republican (or Libertarian) if he thinks the FDA, DEA, FBI, USDA, NASA, the Fed, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, IRS, standing armies, or FEMA are all a good idea. I would bet they would say that all those government programs need improvement, but theyre definitely necessary. Ask any American what he thinks about socialized education, and I could almost guarantee he will say something like, "what, do you want a bunch of ignorant people running around?" (do you mean like you?). These are people who SAY they believe in freedom. At one point, people who believed in freedom resisted all these socialist federal programs. Now they cant imagine a world without the federal governments benevolent socialist programs. So, now were about to enter into a treaty which gives the U.S.s sovereignty to a world government (a lot like when the states were faced with the prospect of giving their sovereignty to the U.S. government). There are a few people who say they believe in freedom/sovereignty/etc., who will fight it, but eventually these same people wont be able to imagine how we ever managed without our One World government. Its coming, and you cant stop it, but eventually I guarantee youll love it, and youll still claim to believe in freedom, sovereignty, etc. When the U.S. government comes to finish taking your guns away (theyre already 85% there), theyll do it in such a way that youll actually thank them for ridding you of such dangerous and expensive items (due to taxes/regulations). Youll thank them for taking your guns away the same way you thank them for socialized education, health care (Medicare/Medicaid), Homeland Security, the military, etc...all of which deprive you of your freedoms. This new world government will operate just like every other level of tyrannical government. When they oppress you, youll actually thank them for it, and you wont be able to imagine a world without their government. You are ignorant pawns.

Here are a couple of videos of a bunch of good, young, impressionable, faithful followers of Obama-ism, singing of their allegiance and respect for Obama. I would love to be watching one of these videos one day and see my own child amongst the cute children being forced to sing of their allegiance to one of our fascio-socialist leaders. This is so cute, it makes my heart swell with pride... I especially like the part of the video where the children chanted, errrr, I mean, SANG about "spreading freedom." Is that what we call it now, "spreading freedom?" And how do you plan to spread freedom? Are guns and bombs required to spread your "freedom?" If so, you can keep your freedom. Heres another moving chant, errrr, song... [Note: I used to have a video, following these comments, which showed children singing the "Hmm, Hmm, Hmm, Barack Hussein Obama;" however, that video has since been removed from YouTube, because the parents of the children in the video got pissed off that their children were chanting a song about Obama, and it was all over the internet. Now, Ive posted a news story from Fox News, which discusses why the video was taken down. My favorite part of this story is when I found out that the song they were singing was actually a song about JESUS, and teachers had the kids substitute Obamas name for Jesus. Hilarious! You cant sing songs about Jesus in public schools, but you can take songs about Jesus and substitute Obamas name for Jesus. Heres the news report...]. "He said we must be fair today; equal work means equal pay...He said we all must take a stand, to make sure everyone gets a chance...Red, yellow, black, or white; all are equal in his eyes..." Karl Marx and I fully agree. Not that I care for George W. Bush, either; but, why didnt teachers force their students to chant about George W. Bush? Can someone tell me what the difference is between making our kids worshipfully chanting about their president and forcing our kids to put their hands over their hearts and chant the "Pledge of Allegiance," to the federal government of the United States? I suppose we just want to engrain in our childrens heads that the federal government of the United States is a great, benevolent, liberty and justice bestowing, blind-patriotism-deserving, union of INDIVISIBLE states (a clear message to the South to not try to sucede from the union again, or well woop your asses). That seems innocent, doesnt it? We might as well force them to put their hands in the air, as if heiling Hitler, when they chant the Pledge of Allegiance (as was originally done, called the "Bellamy Salute," named after the Christian Socialist, Francis Bellamy, who wrote the original Pledge of Allegiance). Speaking of pledging allegiance,... Thank God Obama is president now so that people will commit to start being nice to eachother. What does Obama have to do with wasting less resources and being nice to eachother, anyway? Why didnt you want to do any of that stuff before Obama was president? And what is this "pledge" stuff? Does that mean I have a choice, and I can just choose NOT to pledge? Or does it mean that when you pledge to give do this stuff, youre also going to force the rest of us to do it also through some tyrannical legislation which forces non-compliant, freedom-lovers, such as myself, to give away all my money for their "charitable" cause, whether I "pledge" to help or not? Pledges are scary. What does it mean to be a servant of the President? Do I really get to choose NOT to pledge to be a servant of Obama, or am I going to be servant either way? Why do all these dumbass actors still have so much money, when they obviously care so much about fixing the environment and taking care of other people? Shouldnt they have spent all their money on these causes they are so passionate about? Or, do they only want ME to give up all MY money for other people and the environment? I like how P. Diddy, Puff Daddy, Sean John, Sean Combs (or whatever) pledged to turn off a few more lights in one of his many mansions. Asshole, just the refrigerators in your mansions use more electricity in a day than Ill use to power my house for an entire year. And how much energy and resources were required to build all those "cribs" you own?

Michael Moores new movie talks about how capitalism has failed us. The problem with Michael Moores assertion is that capitalism doesnt exist in America. It probably never has existed. What we have in America is not capitalism; its socialism, fascism, mercantilism, corporatism, or some combination of all four of those. Whatever its called, its not capitalism, and IT is what has failed us, not capitalism. What has failed us is corporations ability to purchase legislation or regulations, which forces people to use their services or drives competitors out of the market (again, not capitalism...thats corporatism). The other thing that has failed us is the government socializing services, regulating businesses, or taking over businesses. This destroys the free markets ability to provide better services at better prices (again, this is not capitalism either...its fascism, mercantilism, or socialism). We need to get government out of businesses, and we need to get businesses out of government. Just like we believe in the separation of church and state, we need to institute the separation of corporations and state. Either way, you cant blame capitalism, when capitalism has not existed in this country for many years, if ever. We either have a capitalist system or we dont. There is nothing in between. Is Ron Paul the only politician with any sense? I love the part of this video when, right after Ron Paul explains to Larry King that having the "right" to medical care implies people have the right to force someone else to give them medical services or products, Larry King then asks Ron Paul, "Well...what if someone falls in the street, and hes dying...shouldnt the government take care of him?" The problem is, the general public thinks like Larry King. We are hopeless.

"ITS RACISM, SEXISM, AND ALL KIND OF ISMS" --Perry Wooten, Harris County Constable, after being convicted of theft from Harris County, blaming his situation on isms. Wasnt Obama Supposed to Fix All This Racism Stuff?... Im not saying I work for the Houston Fire Department, but I happen to know that, lately, theyve been having a lot of problems with Racism, Sexism, and all kinds of isms. Im sure HFD has had a lot of problems with isms over the years, but recently, it seems like its become a lot worse. When I say its become a lot worse, I dont mean racism or sexism; I really just mean ALLEGATIONS of racism or sexism have become worse. Wasnt all this stuff supposed to go away when Obama was elected President? Wasnt that supposed to make black people, and minorities in general, feel empowered and feel like the world isnt out to get them anymore? ...Because..., if Obama can become President, then obviously people arent racist anymore, right? In fact, I know a lot of people (black and white) voted for Obama for very few other reasons, other than that hes black (although, somehow, thats not racism). White people voted for Obama, because in some ways, they were hoping, if a black man was elected, then it would prove that the majority of the U.S. is not racist anymore, and minorities no longer have a reason to blame their problems on isms. The Noose in the Locker Incident...The Incident That Started Everything... Recently (2/13/09), a white Captain of HFD was discovered to be in possession of a noose, hanging on the inside of his locker door. It was determined by HFD that the possession of a piece of rope, tied in the formation of noose, was racially offensive to black people. I dont know how a noose ever became a symbol of racism. Ive tied a lot of nooses, and Ive never once thought about hanging a black person when I tied a noose. Ive also spoken with several other white people, and none of them apparently knew they were being racist when they tied a noose. Apparently, black people are offended by nooses because nooses were used to hang black people in "lynchings." I would bet that a lot more white people have been hung by a noose than black people. If anything, white people ought to be more offended by nooses. Anyway, HFD decided that the possession of a noose is a racist statement, regardless of a persons intentions, and the Captain was reprimanded by his supervisor. His supervisor wrote a note in his personnel file (Form 42) and told him to remove the noose from his locker. Done deal, right? ...WRONG! City Council Circus Several months later, several black activists showed up to the Houston City Council to protest the fact that the "racist" Captain was not fired for being in possession of a noose. They complained about racism within HFD, and they demanded that the City fire the Captain, his supervisor, the Fire Chief, and the Assistant Fire Chief, because the Captain had a piece of rope, tied in a racist manner, and his supervisors failed to fire him. At one point, a member of the BLACK FIRE FIGHTERS UNION, and the president of the Houston Black FireFighters Association, Captain Otis Jordan, was in possession of noose, and he was waving it in the air toward a group of black people in the audience. How is that not racism? I guess black people cant be racist, even when they are waving a noose at a bunch of black people? One of the most educational aspects of the City Council meeting was when a fine, upstanding, highly educated, black citizen of Houston also declared the word "picnic" to be a racist word, stating that the word was derive from the two words "pick" and "nigger;" and she said that a "picnic" was originally an occasion in which white people gathered to "pick a nigger and lynch him." Snopes.com disagrees with this assertion. Ive heard there will be a City Council meeting, open to the public, on July 28th, at 2 p.m., wherein they will discuss whether this Captain should be fired, and what should be done in the FD to prevent future displays of racist knots. There will also be a "Flames of Racism" rally on the front steps of City Council at 12:00 p.m., by the Houston Black Firefighters Association (a.k.a., the Houston Black Power, Anti-white, Racist FFs), where they will hoot and holler about how to put out the flames of racism in the fire department. I suggest an anti-racism, counter-protest. Ill be there, and I suggest everyone be there that can make it. Id bet some of the black firefighters will be in possession of nooses, or have pictures of nooses on their shirts, if you want to bring a camera to record their possession of racist symbols. Zero Tolerance Policy...Lets Fire Some White People For Arbitrary Reasons! City Council wants to institute a "Zero Tolerance Policy" on racism, in which, if someone decides to be offended by something (anything), then the offender will get fired. One city council woman, Jolanda Jones, stated, "I cant believe they have a Zero Tolerance Policy on smoking a BLUNT, but they dont have a Zero Tolerance Policy on racism" (she repeated this statement approximately 5 times). Jo-Jo also began crying when one of the other city council members stated that she was not aware of a noose being a symbol of racism, and she reasoned that its possible that some people dont know that black people are offended by nooses. Jo-Jo wildly and tearfully ranted about how could anyone live in Texas and not know that nooses are racist symbols? Since the racist rope configuration was found, HFD has issued an Order to its employees to not be racist anymore. The FD told its employees that if you dont know if a word or symbol is offensive, you should go to the Assistant Chief and ask him if it is considered to be offensive. White male members of HFD might as well just bring a Websters dictionary and every object in the world to the Assistant Chief and ask him to clarify which items are racist, ...especially if there is going to be a "Zero Tolerance Policy" on racism, in which racism is defined by anyone who feels like he is offended by anything. I guess theyre going to have to make a list of all the words and objects that are considered to be offensive, so that everyone will know what they are. Then, if theyre going to make a list of things white males cant say or do, I figure white people should come up with a list of all the things that offend them also. We cant have white people being the only people in jeopardy of losing their jobs for being racist. I suggest white people should decide to be offended by a "granny knot," since its called a granny knot because dumb, white grannies didnt know any better than to tie a granny knot. Then, if we ever see someone with a "granny knot," they will be fired. Diversity Training To The Rescue...Are There Differences or Arent There Differences? In addition to issuing an Order to not be racist anymore, HFD created a course in diversity, and required all of its members to take the course. The course explained that we should not discriminate or prejudge, because nobody is different; however, the course further explained that people are different from each other because of their race, culture, or ethnicity. Then the course explained some of the differences in peoples race, culture, and ethnicity. One time, HFD even approved a diversity awareness book for a Captains test which explained that black people who limp and swing their arms when they walk, dont have a problem; theyre just showing their pride with the way they walk. The book also explained that ebonics is a perfectly acceptable, alternative way of speaking English. Im confused! Are groups of people different from each other or arent they different? If Im being told that one group of people, differentiated by certain traits, are different from another group of people, then shouldnt I be able to prefer one group of people over another (discriminate or prejudge)? If black people are going to say "Our culture," or "Our people," or "My brothers/sisters," or "Our Community," or just say "We" or "Us;" then shouldnt white people also be able to recognize that there are different cultures, characterized by certain attitudes, customs, forms of dressing, or forms of speaking; and shouldnt white people be able to point out the differences between the cultures and express which differences they prefer or dont prefer? Black people can support businesses of "their people," or "hire one of their own," or prefer to socialize with a fellow "brother/sister;" but white people cant have similar preferences? If there are differences, then some of the differences are going to be good, and some of them are going to be bad, based on the relative perspective of each individual, right? However, if youre a white person, dont let anyone catch you saying anything bad about "You people" or "those people." Black people can say "We" and "Us," but white people cant say "You" or "Them." You can say positive things about black people, like "they sure are athletic," or "they sure dance well," or "those black comedians sure are funny, especially when they make fun of white people," or "Im sure glad a black man is the president;" but dont be caught saying "black people annoy me, because of _blank,_" or "I wish we didnt have a black man as a president," or "Black people arent very good at taking multiple choice tests, because they generally arent as educated" (even though that assertion originated from a group of black people, complaining about multiple choice tests being racist). Chris Rock is not a racist when he points out all the positive and negative differences between black people and white people, but if Cosmo Cramer says something about black people, hes a racist. OTHER ISM INCIDENTS IN HFD... The Unintentional Racist Radio Broadcast Incident... When the racist rope was found in a Captains locker, the local news ran stories about the incident and interviewed black people in the community. One black person stated he couldnt trust a red-neck with a noose in his locker to provide good service to his people. A few weeks after this incident occurred, a couple of (allegedly white) firefighters (allegedly from Station 9) were talking about the incident and the reaction of the City of Houston, and they accidentally had their microphone keyed on their radio. Their conversation was broadcasted across the entire city, over fire department radios. In their conversation, they expressed that they were upset that black people can call white people "red-necks," without repercussion, and they said they should jump on the ultra-sensitive bandwagon and be offended that black people called the Captain a "red-neck." They also mentioned that black people can create a "United Negro College Fund" & "Black Caucus;" but if white people were to create a "White College Fund" or a "White Caucus," then people would "have a stroke," and accuse them of being racist. These firefighters were actually decrying racism. They were explaining that they dont like the fact that when black people are racist, they get away with it. They were explaining that it wasnt fair that white people are persecuted for racism, but black people are almost encouraged to be racist. Anyway, the local news channels got a hold of the radio broadcast tapes, and they played them on the news. Once again, the news channels gathered black peoples reactions to their conversation. The black community was very upset, they accused the firefighters of being racist, and the Fire Chief was grilled for allowing racism in his fire department, once again. Black people wondered how these racists could be relied upon to give quality service to other black people in the City of Houston. The not-so-funny thing is, these firefighters were anything but racist; they were actually speaking out against racism. They were speaking out against racism by black people on white people. Its odd that when white people accuse black people of being racist, the white people are labeled racists, and their ability to provide quality service is called into question; however, if a black person calls a white person a racist, he is considered to be a heroic whistle-blower. As it turns out, the Fire Chief promised to investigate who the perpetrators were of such a (anti) racist conversation, and he promised to punish them for saying such (anti) racist things. The Womens Restroom Graffiti Incident... Somebody wrote some graffiti on the wall of the womens restroom at Station 54, an airport rescue station. It is rumored that the graffiti said something about "die," "bitches," and "nigger-lover." In addition, someone defiled a photo of Jane Draycott and her daughter, who was killed in a car accident in 2006, writing "die" on Janes face and "dead" on her daughters face. HFD promised to investigate the incident, and they even promised to bring in the U.S. Justice Department to investigate the incident. Recently, an article was written in the Chronicle, which explains why members of the fire station would be upset with Ms. Draycott. The bottom line is, she wanted exclusive access to a room and a restroom, even when she wasnt at work. These rooms were previously being utilized people on other shifts for various reasons, and she was asking them to change their habits, since she was a female, even when she wasnt present. The reason she wanted exclusive access is because she didnt like other people making messes in these rooms, so she used the fact that shes a female to limit other peoples access to these rooms. When they resisted, she labeled their resistance "sexism." Eventually they became irritated that she was using the "sexism card" to get her way. Then they became generally irritated with the presence of a female at their station, requiring special treatment, and potentially use the "sexism card" to get people in trouble. This kind of parallels the feelings white people have when black people start using the "racism card" to get their way. Its not that they dont like black people; they just dont want to have to start acting differently when a black person is around, for fear of getting in trouble. Many firefighters believe Jane Draycott wrote the graffiti herself. There are rumors that Jane normally shows up to the fire station at around 6:05-6:10, without any make-up, and without her hair done. On this morning, she showed up at around 5:30 with her make-up and hair done, as if she was preparing for something out of the ordinary. At approximately 7:00, the graffiti was found, the station captain was notified, and somehow the news channels were also notified. There are also rumors that she rolled a pumper, burned her house down, was the mistress of a chief that ended up getting a divorce and killing himself, and shes always trying to get people in trouble with allegations of sexism. There is supposed to be a "Respect Rally" for the women of Station 54 on the steps of Houston City Council on July 22, 2009, at 12:05 p.m. I guess theyre going to get together and get all emotional about the rights of women to force people to go out of their way to accomodate them, and treat them differently in the workplace, or something. I mean, do they want equal treatment, or do they want SPECIAL treatment, because nobody else gets his own room and bathroom? The Intentional Radio Broadcast Incident... Apparently, on around 7/8/09, somebody broadcasted a bunch of racial slurs on a fire department radio. It was either a member of HFD, someone who stole a FD radio, or somebody figured out how to broadcast messages on a fire department radio frequency. The Fire Chief believes someone purchased a radio transmitter from Radio Shack, which is reportedly very easy to do, and they broadcasted racial slurs from their homemade radio. They know this because each radio transmission is stamped with a source code, and this particular radio broadcast came from an unknown source. The president of the Black Caucus stated that he thought this was not impossible, he demanded HFD find out which racist member of HFD broadcasted those racist slurs, and he demanded the racist be fired. The Racist Cadets and Their Racist Rope Configurations I never saw this story on the news, but Ive heard that a cadet of the HFD academy was fired for being in possession of a noose (after the Captain with the Noose Incident). The cadet reportedly argued his case, and he was given another chance to go to the HFD Academy, but he had to go to a later class, and he lost all the time he had spent in his former HFD Academy class. The black cadet who reported the white cadet was in possession of a noose, later reported that two other cadets were in possession of nooses. The HFD Academy Administrators decided they should investigate the incident and see the nooses for themselves, before they fired someone again. They asked the black cadet to show them where the nooses were. When they found the "nooses," they found out they were not actually nooses; they were in fact Bowline knots, which are knots that each cadet is required to know. Bowline knots resemble nooses in appearance, but not in function. How to Avoid Letting a Piece of Rope Get You Fired If you are messing around with a piece of rope, do not allow it to end up in any of these configurations. Do not even tie your rope in any these racist knots if you need the knot for boating, fishing, or hunting; you will lose your job. Or, I guess if you really need the knot for something, check to make sure there are no black people around, tie it really quickly, use it, and then quickly untie the knot, before anyone sees it. Heres how _NOT_ to tie a noose: However, you may allow your rope to be tied in this configuration; but I would recommend if you do tie this knot, make sure you clearly label the knot a "bowline knot, not a noose," or you may be fired anyway, by people who dont know the difference.

Somehow Good Ol Fashioned Fun Is Somehow Tied into Racism A rookie at Station 67 was talked into getting into a rotating office chair, equipped with two air bottles, also known as a "Rookie Rocket." They turned on the air bottles, and the rookie spun like a beautiful ballerina. Nobody was hurt, and everybody got a bit of a chuckle out of it. They posted the video on YouTube, and the local news got a hold of the video. The media once again interviewed the President of the Black Caucus, and he somehow made the absurd connection between people having fun at the fire station and racism. How does a "Rookie Rocket" have anything to do with racism? HFD Apparently Has a Problem With Racism, Sexism, and All Kind of Isms Is HFD racist, or are people being too sensitive? I dont know. What I do know is that people, in general, dont want to be racist. People have a natural desire to serve their own best interests. If its beneficial for a person to associate with another person, then the person wont worry about skin color, sex, age, etc. People are generally trying to forget about the differences between them and other people. The problem is, they are constantly reminded of the differences by the very people who claim to be ending racism, sexism, and all other isms. My opinion is... if we want people to stop discriminating against other people, then lets stop pointing out the differences. If there are no differences between us, then lets stop saying "we," "us," and "our people;" and lets stop having "Diversity Training," in which we learn how black people are different from white people. If there ARE differences between us, then stop choosing to be offended when other people recognize the differences. The truth is, choosing to be offended is choosing to allow someone else to control your emotions. The fact that many black people are offended by the word "nigger" actually gives white people the power to control their emotions. A white person knows he can ruin a black persons day by just saying one little word. Why would you want to give that control to other people? Its like giving someone a ruin your day button. Are you looking for ways to be offended, or are you looking for ways to not be offended? Do you actually WANT to be offended? If not, then stop looking for it. If anything, the biggest reason people discriminate today is for the sole purpose of trying to avoid being put in a situation where they may have to defend allegations of some sort of ism. People dont want to be around someone who might accuse them of isms, and get them in trouble. Stop accusing people of being racist and sexist, stop asking for special treatment, and maybe people will start wanting to be around you; and most of all, theyll stop thinking of you as being different. Nothing creates a hostile work environment more than accusations of isms. If you think youre different, then dont be offended when other people agree with you. If you dont want to be different, then make an attempt to blend in, and stop giving people reasons to believe youre different. In general, people arent afraid of snakes with rattles on their tales for no reason. People discriminate for a reason. Its a good human trait to develop. Discrimination is what keeps people from wanting to pet wild bears, and its what attracts them to cute puppies. Its also what helps people avoid associations with people that may cause them harm. How did the ability to discriminate ever become a deplorable human trait? If you dont want people to discriminate against you, then stop giving them reasons to discriminate. If you want to be different, then realize that other people are justified in discriminating against you.

Entertaining music video on Free Markets...

Finally, the theme of my blog, exposing 911 EMS abuse, is getting national attention... http://money.cnn.com/2009/08/24/news/economy/healthcare_911_abuse/index.htm?postversion=2009082407 Im so glad this issue is finally receiving national attention. However, my worry is that, when this issue receives enough exposure, a majority of the population will naturally want to do something to solve the problem. Uh-oh. Then, some opportunist politician will emerge with a plan which will create a new, MORE socialist program for solving this problem, which will cost taxpayers even MORE money. For example, the "nurse triage system," which will incentivize calling 911...people will say, "If you have any sort of medical problem, no matter how bad it is, you should call 911 first; they have nurses now, who will give you medical advice and let you know whether or not you have a real problem...always call 911 first." I imagine this new, you-get-to-talk-to-a-nurse-when-you-call-911 program will double the number of calls to 911. Due to liability, nurses can only turn away the most obviously stupid calls, so this will likely also double the number ambulance responses. Brilliant! Now, not only are you paying for nurses, youre also paying for a higher call volume. What other bells and whistles can they add to 911 to make it more appealing? You solve the problem by privatizing the system. Private companies will tell people "no." And, if they dont, then at least its their PRIVATE problem. When did a human ever acquire the right to be taken care of, at someone elses forced expense? Im perplexed.

(Kind of like how MUSLIMS are a bunch of blood-thirsty terrorists who just want to kill us, because theyre brainwashed from infancy to believe that their religion must be spread over the entire world, and that the infidel opposition must die...All so that their leaders, who dont believe a word of their own indoctrination, can use their brainwashed people as pawns in their war for money, oil, property, and power ...But WE are NOT blood-thirsty war-mongers, and WE are NOT brainwashed from infancy to believe that "freedom" and christianity must be spread over the entire world, and that opposers must die...and OUR leaders really DO believe in freedom and christianity, and OUR leaders are NOT just brainwashing US in order to use US as pawns in their wars for money and power...WE are too smart to be brainwashed and used as pawns)

I wasnt born a Crusty Ambulance Driver. At one time I was a sympathetic trainee, in the back of the box. I was scared, conscientious, enthusiastic, and compassionate. I even remember getting pysching myself up, thinking, _Im going to learn my job so well that nobody will ever die in my care._ I thought I would be a life-saving, EMT superhero. This was long before the box beat my ass, over and over again, and transformed me into the ugly, cantankerous, crusty, shell of an EMT I am today. I look in the mirror today, and I hardly recognize the mean old bastard Ive become. I dont know if it was my first day or first run, but this is the first day I remember being on the box... I was in EMT school, doing my ambulance rotations. I remember actually being excited for my first several runs. Back then, I even got butterflies in my stomach when a run came in. I carried my EMT textbook with me so I could look up things I didnt remember, in order to more thoroughly care for my patients. Who knows what this particular call was dispatched as...probably an "intoxicsted person." Back then, I was naive enough to think every call was an extremely life-threatening emergency...every call was a "cardiac arrest" to me. When we arrived at the location, which was an old, do-it-yourself carwash, we found a man lying in the prone position, on the ground, and he was surrounded by a bunch of hobos, who were apparently his "roommates." The temperature was very cold; it must have been 30-something degrees. My trainer walked up to the patient, walked a half-circle around his head, and within 5 seconds, callously declared, "yep, hes dead." I thought to myself, _What?!!! How do you know hes dead?!!...You didnt even check for a pulse, and we learned in EMT school that a persons not dead until hes WARM and dead._ Trying to suppress my surprise & disgust, and trying not reveal that I doubted him, I humbly asked my preceptor, "Not that I doubt you...Im just trying to learn...but, how can you tell hes dead?" My trainer curtly responded, "Just look at him!" I looked at him and saw that his face was purple, but I figured it was just because he was cold. I asked, "Should someone check his pulse?" He flippantly said, "Go ahead, but hes dead." Finally becoming frustrated, my trainer grabbed the hobos shoulder and rolled him over. Pointing to his face, he asked, "See the lividity?" The hobos face was flattened by the ground, and it didnt bounce back when he was rolled over (I had never dreamed of seeing something like that!). The front of his face was purple, and there was a clear line where the purple ended and white skin began. However, not really knowing what lividity looked like back then, I lied and responded, "Oh yeah, I see the lividity." I was slightly intrigued and simultaneously horrified to see his face. Up to that point, I dont think I had really seen a dead guy in person, and it seemed weird to be looking at a real dead guy. I pretended like it didnt affect me. I also felt a little weird about saying he was "dead," right in front of the dead guy. I thought it might make him feel bad or something (...make him feel self-conscious about his dead-ness). My trainer further pointed out the rigormortis, and then he guided me through checking for a carotid pulse, which he did not have. Even though I had already been pretending to realize that he was dead for a long time, at that moment, I finally realized, for myself, that he was probably dead. We interviewed his friends and asked about his medical conditions. One of the hobos friends explained that he had breathing problems, and he used an inhaler. My trainer asked if he knew where the inhaler was. The dead hobos friend said, "Yeah, I actually have it," and then he explained that the dead hobo kindly loaned him the inhaler the night before, because the dead hobos friend was feeling like he was starting to have breathing problems of his own. My trainer then told the dead hobos friend that the dead hobo probably had an asthma attack during the night, and since he didnt have his inhaler, he passed out, and then died from the cold. The dead hobos friend immediately started crying while looking at the inhaler in his hand, as if it was a gun that he had just used to murder his best friend. Tearfully, the dead hobos friend explained what a great hobo his dead friend was and how much he will be missed by the rest of his hobo-tourage. I got a big lump in my throat, my eyes got glassy, and I had to fight to hold back the tears (I couldnt let my trainer know I was getting all emotional over a hobo). I wanted to give the filthy friend of the dead hobo a big hug and bring him home with me. I remember wondering how I could personally help this hobo so that HE didnt end up freezing to death, face down in an old, do-it-yourself carwash. Of course I did nothing beyond _thinking_ I should help him. That may have been the first and last time I ever felt sympathy for a dead hobo and his surviving hobo friends. Even though I believe I give an honest effort to do everything I can to help save ANY patients life; I dont believe Im capable of feeling the same compassion I felt for that hobo on that day. I dont know if its a good thing or bad thing, but everyday I lose a little bit more of that compassion I was once capable of feeling. This post was written for "The Handover, Blog Carnival." This months theme was, "The First Emergency." All the submissions for this months edition, from various bloggers, can be found at: http://medicblog999.wordpress.com/2009/08/27/the-handover-edition-7/

This may not be funny to most people, but this is how I amuse myself... Hot pursuit of a patient! It was around 9 p.m., and we were called to a local soccer field for a seizure patient. When we arrived, we were greeted by a giant mob of frantically concerned hispanic males, wearing soccer gear. They were all yelling (in at least two languages) and pointing down the street. I cornered one person, and I asked him what happened. He told me our patient was playing soccer, and he had a seizure. He said our patient was unconscious for several minutes, and he needs to go to the hospital because his head is still not right. He also told me that our patient often has seizures while playing soccer and hardly ever goes to the hospital. I asked him where our patient was, and he told me our patient had just fled the scene, and he was headed north. As this guy was telling me which direction our patient was heading, he was already beginning to run in that direction, pointing & yelling, and the mob followed him, also pointing and yelling. Normally, when a patient is running from the ambulance, I dont give pursuit. Theres something about a running patient that makes me think he may not need an ambulance for his "emergency medical condition." The ability to RUN is often one of the best indicators that a patient is not about to die. It also leads me to believe the patient is not interested in our help. However, due to a general lack of stimulation in my life, and for the sole purpose of self-gratification, we decided it would be appropriate to give chase to the fleeing patient. So, I backed up my ambulance, turned my ambulance in the direction of the mob, which was now waving me in their direction and pointing in the direction they were running, and I began driving alongside the frantic mob, with lights and sirens blaring, in pursuit of a fleeing patient. My partner and I looked at eachother and started laughing at how delightfully stupid this scene was...10 MPH hot pursuit of a seizure patient by a giant mob and an ambulance! After a few seconds of following the mob of 15-20 hispanic soccer players, we noticed that one guy was a little faster than the rest of the mob, and he had sort of made his way to the front of the pack, leading the pack by about 20 yards, so we decided we would pull behind this lone leader of the mob. So, now were following the leader of the mob, with lights and sirens blaring, and the mob is still pursuing, 20 yards behind us, pointing in the direction were driving & yelling. The leader of the mob is apparently running as fast as he can. We were impressed with the leader of mobs tenacity and speed, and we wondered out loud, "How does this guy know where to go...I dont see a patient anywhere up ahead of us?" We figured he must know where our patient lives, and hes taking us to his house. He kept running, and we kept pursuing. We must have been pursuing for a few minutes now, and the mob was still running about 20-30 yards behind us, pointing in the direction we were headed, and yelling incomprehensible directions and cheers. We had to be gaining ground on the patient, by the sound of the escalating cheers of the mob. At one point I thought, our patient must not be in too bad of shape to be out-running this speed-demon and the giant mob of hispanic soccer players behind him. Finally, one of us geniuses (probably my partner), submitted the question, "What if this lone leader of the mob is actually our patient, and the mob is actually chasing HIM? If so, weve been following our fleeing patient for the past 8-10 blocks, thinking hes leading us to our patient." It seemed absurb that a guy would run this far and this fast, in a straight line, with an ambulance driving right behind him, as if he was helping us, showing us where to go, when HE was really the guy we were chasing. We both quickly put the clues together and solved the mystery in our respective heads. We looked at eachother at about the same time and said, "He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...THIS GUYS OUR PATIENT...WERE CHASING OUR PATIENT, AND HES RUNNING FOR HIS LIFE!...ha, ha, ha, he, he, he...WHY IS HE RUNNING?...he, he, he, ha, ha, ha...HA, HA, HA, HA." Now the scene looks like this: --there is one post-ictal patient sprinting down the road; --there is one ambulance driving behind a terrified patient, with lights and sirens blaring; --there is an animated mob of concerned hispanic soccer players, approximately 1/2 block behind us, yelling, pointing, and cheering; --and there are two highly sympathetic EMTs in the front seat of the ambulance laughing their asses off while pointing at the patient, running in front of the ambulance, pointing at the mob, and pointing at eachother. If I was an on-looker, this scene would definitely be perplexing, but highly amusing. I would wonder, "why is that guy running from an ambulance and a bunch of soccer players?... ... ...Oh and, better yet, why is an AMBULANCE chasing someone?" I had seen this move on an episode of Cops, so I decided I would give it a try. I pulled ahead our patient, and I pulled into a driveway, with my ambulance blocking the path of the fleeing patient. It was sure to make him give up, since he was caught between an ambulance and giant mob. I also started to get out of the cab, as if I was going to go Troy Polamalu on his ass. The fleeing patient juked me, easily ran around the ambulance, and continued running down the road. This botched attempt to trap the patient caused us to laugh even more. This was beginning to look more and more like something you would see a couple of stoner EMTs doing on an in a stoner movie. The mob caught up to the ambulance as we were having trouble backing up and re-grouping, since we were drunk with laughter. They confirmed that the lone leader was actually our fleeing patient. We were laughing harder than ever now, and we were even more determined to catch our fleeing patient, who obviously did not want to be medically apprehended. Nothing makes me want to treat a patient more than a patient who is this determined to NOT be treated (hard to get!). A couple of blocks down the road, before we caught up to him again, our patient made a really good move. He took a hard left turn into a parking lot and vanished amongst a bunch of cars, stores and people. He must have seen a few episodes of Cops also, because that was a pretty good move. I wished the Fire Department had a helicopter to pursue fleeing patients, because at that point he had used his manueverability, being on foot, to lose us. I manuevered our cumbersome ambulance around the corner, we turned off our sirens to be more stealthy, and we stalkingly started heading in the direction we had last seen our patient fleeing. We were searching among the cars and stores to see if we saw any signs of movement. We figured he had lost us. Then! out of the corner of my eye! I caught a glimpse of a man running into a Kentucky Fried Chicken! We scrambled to the KFC, our engine was winding out, and the tires were screeching. We noticed our patient trying to blend in with the crowd standing in line (another good move, but not good enough). We pulled into the parking lot, abruptly stopped (tires chirping again), and I ran into the KFC and confronted our patient. I wondered if I should tackle his ass and rough him up a bit, like they always do at the end of a chase. I wished I had a tazer. Taking on the persona of a cop who had just apprehended his suspect, I asked, "Why are you running from us?" He said, "In not." We argued about whether or not he was running from us, and I pointed out that he had grass all over his hair & clothes and blood all over his mouth. I interrogated him as to why he had grass all over his clothes, and I accused him of having a seizure. He denied everything. This is where the story takes a turn and becomes very UNdramatic. At some point I had to drop the cop persona and go back to being just an EMT, trying to help a patient, who was not under arrest. He eventually conceded, "Jes...I hed a seechure, but In fine now." I said, "Oh ok, so do you feel like you need an ambulance?" He said, "No, I done nee no amblinz." I asked, "Are you sure...do you want us to take your vitals or look at you?" He said, "No, I done wan notting; In fine." I asked him the AAOx3 questions, he responded appropriately, and so, we had no choice but to leave him alone. We laughed about our hot pursuit of our super-non-compliant patient for the rest of night. Our job doesnt get any better than that. It made me wish more patients would run from us. If we could get more patients to run, we could start a TV show. Bad patients, bad patients, whatcha gonna do...? This post was written for "The Handover, Blog Carnival." This months theme was, "Funniest. Call. Ever." All the submissions for this months edition, from various bloggers, can be found at: http://proems.blogspot.com/2009/09/handover-blog-carnival-funniest-call.html

Super-Magic, Paramedical Healification Machinery 6:24 We responded to the home of a 32 y/o HF CO breathing too much and feeling light-headed. The paramedics showed up and ran a 12-lead on her, and then they told her that nothing appeared to be wrong with her. After they told her the machine said nothing was wrong, she stopped hyperventilating, she stated she felt fine, and she decided she didnt need an ambulance anymore. I guarantee shell call us the next time it happens so we can fix her again with our machines. Kashi Cereal Attack 10:41 We responded to the home of a 40 y/o AF because she was reported as having blood gushing from her nose as she was arguing with her boyfriend on the front lawn. The neighbors thought they would do the nicest thing a neighbor can do for another neighbor and call an ambulance for her. When we arrived, the boyfriend was gone, and she told us she didnt want an ambulance. We noticed there was a book on the table called, "Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them." We asked her what was going on. She explained they were arguing and SHE chucked a box of Kashi cereal at HIM. After that, the boyfriend stormed out of the house while she pursued him, yelling at him. She says the boyfriend never hit her, and she didnt have any marks or blood that would indicate he did hit her. When the boyfriend walked away, after being a victim of a Kashi cereal attack, the neighbor who called 911 gave chase to the fleeing victim, eventually apprehending him and bringing him to justice. When the neighbor brought the boyfriend back in a car, the boyfriend was talking to his anger counselor on the phone. Apparently the neighbor got a little too excited over the situation since, as it turns out, nothing really happened. Diabetes & The Holy Ghost Apparently Have Very Similar Symptoms 11:18 We responded to a Baptist church near downtown for a 42 y/o BM CO low blood sugar. He took his insulin, just before going to church, didnt eat, and proceeded to very actively praise Jesus for a couple of hours. Eventually he fell out, and after a while of lying on the ground, unconscious, his fellow worshippers realized he wasnt just having a Holy Ghost attack. After we gave him some D50 (sugar), the Holy Ghost left him, and he became coherent. We asked him if he had food at the house, and he said he did, but he didnt like any of the food he had. Since he didnt like the food he had at the house, one of the church members went and bought him a turkey & ham sandwich, on wheat, with lettuce, tomatoes, and swiss cheese. She also gave him some chicken noodle soup and 4 packs of Zesta crackers. Mmmm...Mm. Apparently the Holy Ghost is powerless against D50 and turkey & ham on wheat. We Saved A Man From Being Put Out of His Misery 12:01 We were called to a nursing for a 75 y/o BM receiving CPR. The nurses found him dead for unknown reasons, and he was dead for an unknown period of time. When we asked what medical conditions he had, the nursing home didnt know. Why should they know what medical conditions their patient has, right? Knowing the patients medical conditions doesnt make the government check any bigger. We took over CPR, and surprisingly, we got pulses back on the guy. Now he can be in a permanent vegatative state in the nursing home that doesnt care enough about him to find out his medical conditions. The dude may have been better off if he had just died. What? An Ambulance Cant Detect Internal Hematomas? 14:07 We responded to the high-rise condominium unit of a 64 y/o WF CO a snow globe breaking on her head. She did not have any cuts or contusions; she didnt even have much pain. She just worried that it might have caused an internal hematoma. We told her we had no way of knowing if she had an internal hematoma, but we could take her to the hospital, and they could find out. She said, "well arent you paramedics?" We said, "yes, we are, but that doesnt certify us to know if you have an internal hematoma." Eventually she realized we were worthless, and she decided she didnt need us. Education is so annoying, isnt it? Do-Gooders, Attempting to Ruin a 2 Y/Os Life 17:59 We responded to the parking lot of a car wash for a 2 1/2 y/o HF CO a bleeding and swollen top lip. Bystanders stated the driver of the car (the father of the little girl) pulled into the parking lot, and turned around and beat the girl. The bystanders called us and the police, and they detained the family. The bystanders were super emotional when we arrived. One guy even told us he was about to kick the guys ass, but he thought he shouldnt since the little girl was there (how many times have you heard a guy say, "Id kick his ass, BUT..."?). The family denied the father beat the girl. They say they stopped suddenly and she hit her lip on the seat. They say they pulled over and frantically pulled her out of the seat because they were worried. They say the little girl resisted because she was hurt and scared. The bystanders misinterpreted that as being abuse. As we were leaving for the hospital, with the little girl and her mother in the ambulance, one of the bull-dyke bystanders opened the door to the ambulance and emotionally pleaded for the woman to tell the "truth" to the police. She said, "Please tell them the truth and press charges...just trust the police and social workers...tell them the truth...theyll help you...it will be OK." That made me wonder, how does that bull-dyke know it will be OK? Suppose the man did hit his daughter on the lip; would it be better for the little girl if her father was locked up in prison for the next 5 years, raped by other inmates and given HIV, while the family struggles to put food on the table without the father working for a living? Or would it be better for the little girl if they sent her to a foster home, where the foster parents dont give a shit about her...they only care about the gubment check they get every month for being foster parents? The foster parents will likely sexually or physically abuse her even more than the father did. How is that better than taking an occasional punishment from your father? Since when is it the job of the rest of the world to tell people how to punish their kids? And since when is not having a father, or being lost in our socialist foster care system, better than occasionally being punished by a father? Dislocated Shoulder 21:08 We responded to the home of a 32 y/o WF who slipped and fell on the stairs. She hurt her shoulder and her right flank. She had extensive bruising and a possibly dislocated shoulder. We took her to the hospital in the ambulance, since she was in a little bit of pain. The ambulance makes pain completely disappear, in case you didnt know... Doctors Doing What Doctors Do Best...Calling Less Qualified EMTs 00:00 We responded to the super nice home of a 72 y/o AM CO altered mental status. The family of the patient said his mental status has been deteriorating over the past 1 1/2 hours. Everyone in the house was a doctor, so they did they best thing they could do for the guy...they called a couple of far-less-qualified, EMT-Basics to take care of him. The patient walked to the ambulance, and we took him to the hospital for a possible stroke. The family followed behind us in their car, after they told us which hospital to go to (which was not the closest stroke facility). Blue Pill Neutralizers To The Rescue 6:23 We responded to the home of a 24 y/o WM CO feeling like his throat was closing up from the "blue pills" he took recreationally 4 hours prior to calling 911. He said he was at a party and he wasnt feeling good, so he walked 4 miles to his house, so he could call 911. The house party was only a couple of miles from the closest hospital. We mitigated his highly emergent condition by driving him to the hospital in our giant, gubment-funded, magic, blue-pill neutralizing machine (the ambulance).

Heres an e-mail I recently received from a blog reader... "Ive read through your blog and enjoy it. Unfortunately I cant even laugh anymore at the stupidity of most people, I just shake my head and weep for humanity. Is it just my imagination, or is it whenever paramedics respond to a nonobvious broken bone (i.e a vertebra) they treat the pt like a brain-damaged three-year-old? Just would like your insight into this behaviour, as Ive come across it before and never understood it." A few days ago, we were called to a 2-car MVA by a (brain damaged) police officer, who wanted us to come and "check a patient out." We arrived on scene approximately 30-40 minutes after the accident had occurred, and everyone was out of their cars, walking around. The alleged patient was a 25 HF, who was the restrained driver of a moderately damaged 4-Runner, which T-boned a sedan. Our patient was not at fault in the accident, according to witnesses, so the other guys insurance had to pay for medical expenses. The patient complained that she had pain and tingling on the left side of her face from hitting her face on the side window (of the door). The patient told us she didnt want to go to the hospital, and she didnt even know why we were there; she said she didnt request us. We asked her if we could take her vitals, and while we took her vitals, which were normal, we offered to transport her to the hospital by ambulance. She refused transport and signed a refusal statement. We stayed on scene for a while, because we were teaching a rookie how to call a supervisor for a refusal. Approximately 20-30 minutes later (now 1 hour after the accident occurred), after the patient talked to her ignorant friend (who had a working car, on scene), the patient came up to us and asked if it was too late to go with us to the hospital. Apparently her friend told her the other guy had to pay for the ambulance, she would be more likely to GET PAID if she went by ambulance, and she would get seen more quickly by the hospital if she went by ambulance (I actually overheard some of the conversation). So I said nothing but "sure," while giving her and her friend a look like they were both brain-damaged 3-year-olds. We took her to the hospital, and the boyfriend followed us in his car. When we got to the hospital, she actually asked, "when can I take this thing off?" ...referring to the C-collar. So, why do EMTs treat people with non-obvious broken bones like they are brain-damaged 3-year-olds? Because they act like brain-damaged 3-year-olds. Whats an ambulance going to do for a patient whos already been walking around an accident scene (in this case, she was walking around for about an hour)? At that point, whats the difference between going to hospital in the ambulance and going by private vehicle? The only thing we CAN do is immobilize the patients spine. Immobilizing the spine doesnt do a whole lot of good when the patient is already walking around, or when a patient wants to remove the C-collar. Sometimes people even call us three days after an accident (which happens often). Its fairly common for patients to complain about the backboard and C-collar or refuse the backboard and/or C-collar, like brain-damaged 3-year-olds, but they still want to go to the hospital by ambulance. Whats peoples infatuation with the damn ambulance? What do they think its going to do for them? Sometimes, after a car accident, people say they feel OK, but then they later decide they want to go by ambulance when they feel like their muscles are starting to stiffen up a little bit. Whats an ambulance going to do for stiff muscles? Most of the time, people just want to go by ambulance because they figure theyll have a better lawsuit if they go by ambulance, or they figure theyre not paying for it, so why not? People who are not at-fault in an accident go to the hospital far more often than people who cause accidents. I wonder why. When I, and most other EMTs, suspect a patient truly does have a broken vertebrae, we take it very seriously, and we do whatever we can to make sure the person doesnt end up paralyzed. Usually, when a person is still sitting in the car, or laying outside of the car, making some attempt to remain immobile, we are far more likely to NOT treat that person like a brain-damaged 3-year-old. Know-it-all EMTs, spare all of us your stupid stories about, one time...this dude was walking around the scene of a minor accident, and I heroically talked him into going by ambulance, and..., and..., I saved his life, caused he had a C3 fracture, which goes to show,... It goes to show youre a self-promoting blow-hard. Yeah...I get that it happens sometimes...and I get that adrenaline masks pain sometimes, which is not very likely. We just treat people like brain-damaged 3-year-olds when they act like brain-damaged 3-year-olds.

Only WE Are Capable of Professionally Asking, "Are you OK?" 8:10 We were called to a motor vehicle incident by a bystander. When we showed up, we asked if everyone was OK. The bystander said, "I think everyone is OK, but I wanted you guys to go check out that little boy over there...I dont think he has any injuries, but I just wanted you guys to check him out." I said, "Well, sir, Ill go over there and ask him if hes OK, then Ill ask his if hes OK, but thats all I can really do without an X-ray machine." It turns out, the boy said he did not have any injuries, and his mom said he was OK. ...Im glad I could professionally do what no citizen is quite as capable as I am of doing...ask someone if they are injured and if they need an ambulance. Imagine How Many Ambulances We Would Need If Everyone Called For Every Migraine Headache... 12:43 We were called to a 28 y/o HF complaining of migraine headaches. She was driving to go pick up her child from school, and when she arrived at the school, she couldnt take it anymore, and someone called 911 for her. She has an extensive history of migraine headaches, and her head was hurting since early that morning, with no change in pain. We drove her to the hospital where the doctors confirmed that did in fact have migraines, and she needs to take her medicine. If we transported every person that ever got a migraine headache, we would do nothing more than transport migraine headache victims. Hobo With a Possible MI 14:40 We were called to the parking lot of a liquor store for a 62 y/o WM hobo, who was complaining of chest pain. We transported him to the hospital for a possible MI. We gave him aspirin and started an IV of Sodium Chloride. We pretty well saved his glorious life. Do You REALLY Want Socialized Health Care for Everyone? 16:04 We were called to the home of a 35 y/o HF who was complaining of abdominal pain for the past 3 days. She went to the county hospital the day prior to calling us, but she left the socialized health care hospital after waiting for 8 hours with no help. She called us 15 1/2 hours after leaving the hospital, because she couldnt take the pain anymore. We gladly returned her to the socialized health care hospital, where they asked us to put her in the waiting room, along with the other 100+ people waiting for socialized health care. Guy Does Nothing to Help Himself and Somehow Still Feels Sick 19:24 A 55 y/o HM called us because he was feeling kind of sick. He just left the hospital yesterday, where he was told that he has a pancreas infection, kidney failure, and he needs dialysis. He called us because, one day later, after doing nothing to fix his infection or need for dialysis. He said he still feels sick, so he needs to go back to the hospital. Did Not Consult a Physician Before Running on a Treadmill 21:01 We were called to the apartment of a 24 y/o WF (she was actually kind of hot), who was complaining of breathing problems. She starting working out tonight, for the first time in a long time, and she couldnt catch her breath. When she couldnt catch her breath, she started to panic, and when she started to panic, she couldnt catch her breath even more. She was hyperventilating. After talking to her for a while, her breathing slowed down, she felt fine, and she decided she didnt need an ambulance. She obviously did not follow the instructions on the sticker on the side of the treadmill, which clearly stated, "Please consult a physician before running on this treadmill." Just Another Car Accident...2 Dead, 1 Alive, 1 Unknown... 00:29 We were called to just another motor vehicle incident... ... ... ... Not. When we arrived, one guy had already been transported to the hospital with a severed spinal cord (later I heard that he didnt make it), and another dude was covered with a sheet, pronounced dead on the scene. Both dudes were thrown from their Cadillac when it started rolling, when they didnt make a corner at 100+ MPH on a 3-lane street. Our patient was a 21 y/o HF, who was still trapped in the mangled Cadillac. She was not wearing her seatbelt, but somehow she stayed inside the car. The rescue crew spent about 30 minutes to tear apart the car in order to get her out. Surprisingly, she appeared to have very minor injuries, she was conscious but intoxicated, and it looks like she was going to make it. The scary part of this whole incident was when we found an empty car seat in the back seat of the Cadillac. We asked the girl if she has a baby; she said yes. We asked her if the baby was in the car with her, and she said yes. We looked everywhere for a baby, but we didnt find anything. We tried our best to find out, but we still have no idea if there was a baby in the car. Were hoping that the girl was intoxicated, and she was confused about the baby being in the car. Breathing Problem, 4 Blocks From the Hospital 3:56 We were called to a (closed) convenience store for a 52 y/o WM hobo, who calls us extremely often from this same location...its the closest pay phone to his homeless hideout. This pay phone is precisely 4 blocks from the nearest hospital. If he would have started walking to the hospital right when he called us, he would have arrived at the hospital before we could have arrived at the convenience store. He complained of having breathing problems. He had just left the hospital a few hours prior for the same problem. He was not wheezing, and he had 100% oxygen saturation. Im assuming he called us because it was very cold out. We took him to the hospital, just like we always do. Very Successful Suicide Attempt...With the Help of an Online Tutorial 5:59 This call came in as a "Shooting...Bystander CPR in Progress." We arrived to find a 28 y/o WM laying in his bed, covered in blood and brains, and his mother was giving him chest compressions. She was also covered in blood & brains. The chest compressions had no chance of helping him, because he had done a REALLY good job of shooting himself in the head. She was really just pumping the blood & brains out of the hole in his head with every compression. The mother said she heard two simultaneous shots while she was sleeping, and she ran to his room and found him dead (yes, two shots...I dont know how, but there were two shells on the floor....Im guessing the second shot was due to a finger-reflex, as he was dying). One of the most interesting aspects of this suicide was that the guy shot himself while following internet instructions on how to shoot yourself in the head. His laptop was in his bed, opened to the internet site. Apparently he was following the internet instructions like someone would follow internet instruction on how to fix your dishwasher. The internet website is http://community.livejournal.com/prodeath/29306.html, in case you sick freaks want to take a look. Below, Ive posted some of the pictures from the website, but the website also has a bunch of other pictures of people who were unsuccessful at shooting themselves, in addition to some instructional text. Its worth taking a look, especially if youre looking for an instructional tutorial. The guys mother asked a firefighter to assist her in calling some friends and family. One of those people was the guys fiancee, who was at the guys house the night before, playing Scrabble (I forgot to ask who won...Im guessing the suicidal guy didnt win). The firefighter called the fiancee and told her that something was wrong, and that she needed to come over to the house. She said she would be there in 5 minutes. My partner and I had put away some equipment and finish writing our report, so we went out to the ambulance. We were both sitting in the front seat, talking about what we just saw, and I mentioned that I wanted to go back in the house when the girlfriend arrived. Surprisingly, he said that he also wanted to be there when she arrived. I asked him why HE wanted to be there when the fiancee arrived, and he said it was because he wanted to see if she was good-looking, since she was now a single female. I laughed, and then I revealed that I wanted to be there when she arrived because I wanted to see how she would react. He was appauled by my reason and called me a "sick, morbid bastard." I found that amusing, considering his reasons. The end result was that, while we were discussing our equally sick reasons for wanting to see the fiancee arrive at the house, the fiancee snuck by us, and we missed her. Later we found out that she started crying hysterically, and she wanted to see the body, but the police wouldnt let her. Here are the instructional pictures from the website...

Blood, Poop, or Vomit??? This is the area where a patient would lay his head (above).

Blood Pressure Cuffs Blood pressure cuffs get cleaned about once every few days, maybe, and every time we use them on someone REALLY bloody. Other than that, when an EMT puts a blood pressure cuff on you, youre essentially sticking your arm into a petri dish containing body fluid samples from every hobo that has worn that cuff over the past few days. Even when they do get cleaned, its not exactly a thorough cleaning. The same is true for stethescopes, pulse oximeters, and all the vital-taking equipment at the hospital. I mean, why would WE want to clean this stuff, its not like this equipment has to touch OUR skin, just YOURS.

Cross-Contamination Does it make you feel good that EMTs wear gloves? Have you ever thought about all the things EMTs touch, with their gloves ON, that have already been contaminated by some other loser? The reason most EMTs religiously wear gloves is to protect THEMSELVES from you and all the contamination in the back of the ambulance. They touch all the stuff in the back of the ambulance, which has been contaminated by every variety of dung-covered loser you could ever imagine, then they touch YOU.

This keyboard LOOKS innocent, but its really a breeding ground for every pathogen known to science. Sure, we have our gloves on when we touch it, but then we touch YOU.

Id rather lick the anus of a dead possum than touch this knob with my bare hands.

These straps have exchanged more body fluids than Wilt Chamberlain.

This IV hanger has never been cleaned; I triple your money back guarantee it. Imagine the lush tropical forest of filth growing on that thing.

Look at this little gem I found in the back of the ambulance. Its a fork with food hanging off of it. Not only will you be contaminated by all the hobos that have ever ridden back here, youll also enjoy the contamination of the EMTs saliva and trichinosis covered fork.

Heres some goop and sludge hiding on the floor, around the stretcher retainer. It looks like its probably JUST some human scabs and some roach poo.

Heres a little more tape residue, which has the ability to collect 400x its mass in human DNA. Which combination of body fluids do you think have to mix together to create the color black?

So...the next time you think the ambulance might be a nice, convenient way to safely get your mother to the hospital, consider the fact that the clowns on the ambulance couldnt care less about your mothers health, they probably dont have anything to give your mother to improve her health or comfort, the ride is about as pleasant as a bicycle with no seat, and most importantly, climbing into an ambulance is like swimming in a septic tank with open wounds. Save your mom the hassle, instead of calling her an ambulance, just stand above her and defecate in her trach tube, then go hook her feeding tube up to her colostomy bag.

This sign, based on the "EMTALA" law, is posted in every emergency room in our little socialist town. Notice the "rights" this sign grants you... I dont know if thats what Thomas Jefferson had in mind when he talked about our unalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Tell me we dont currently have socialized health care in America! Its no wonder why so many hospitals are going out of business. If you privately owned a convenience store, should the federal government be able to FORCE you to provide food for any hobo who says he is hungry?

Imagine you found yourself as one of five people, living in a deserted area (you are the only five people of which you are aware)... What rights would you have? Would you have the right to force any of the other four people to provide you with medical care? (It depends on who has the biggest weapons, right?) Why are your "rights" any different in a larger society? How many people must a society contain in order for you to start having the right to force other people to give you their time or property?

Isnt it called "slavery" when you force someone to give you their time and labor? I thought we were all free at last.

Whos responsible for Ed Givens death? I know exactly what these paramedics said. Ive been in this situation a thousand times, along with every other ambulance driver in every major city. They said, "youre apparently a very healthy 39 y/o, your vitals are stable, your pulseOx is good, your EKG looks good, and we dont detect any problem. Our guess is that its probably just heartburn, since you probably have a history of heartburn, and we dont see anything else. However, we dont know for sure...it could be a heart attack, but WE cant tell. Only a doctor could tell you for sure. You could go with us to the hospital, in which case we would just be giving you a ride, since we dont have any drugs to give you for a condition we cant detect. Or...you could go in your own car to the hospital, you could call your doctor and see what he says, or you could try taking some antacid, see if that helps, and go to the doctor if it doesnt help. Its up to you, but we dont detect any problems right now." If these paramedics "refused" to transport this guy, which I highly doubt, why didnt these Victicrats just take him in their own car (or call a friend/take a bus/take a taxi)? The guy died SIX HOURS LATER! Really, didnt Lolitha, Anthony, & Sabrina "REFUSE" to transport him more than the paramedics did? Where was his caring, ultra-helpful family during his final six hours of life? Why did they call the ambulance in the first place? If youre having a problem, and youre capable of getting your sorry pile of flesh into the car and going to the hospital, shouldnt you just go, without involving the ambulance? Were they hoping the paramedics would give them a free house call, check him out, and either tell him he didnt need to go or give him some free medz? Has that become the purpose of the ambulance? NOTE TO IGNORANT PUBLIC... CALL THE AMBULANCE WHEN YOU ABSOLUTELY KNOW YOURE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL, AND YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED THE AMBULANCE TO GET THERE! DONT CALL WHEN YOURE NOT SURE IF YOU WANT TO GO, AND YOURE HOPING THE AMBULANCE WILL COME TELL YOU EVERYTHINGS OK OR GIVE YOU SOME FREE SHIT TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. If the paramedics failed to save this guy, is it THEIR fault that he died, or is it the fault of the patient (and his family) that he died from a problem which he caused to HIMSELF, from which HE failed to save HIMSELF? What would have happened to this guy if there was no such thing as paramedics...whose fault would it be then? Isnt it just NICE if the paramedics CAN save you, but its your own problem if they cant save you? This would be a whole different scenario if the paramedics would have given him something or done something to him that would have killed him, but they didnt. They didnt fail to act, either (save your whiny "Negligence" argument). They just failed to have enough knowledge or equipment to know this guy was having a problem (if he WAS having a problem at the time). The familys REAL complaint is that the paramedics didnt convince him to go in the ambulance, or in other words, the paramedics allowed him to decide for himself not to go. Also, I want an autopsy. Who knows what kind of pillz Ed Givens took between the time the paramedics left and SIX HOURS LATER, when he was found dead.

Self-UN-Medicating Seizure Patient 11:54 We responded to a 35 y/o HM, working in a metal fabrication factory. According to bystanders, he fell down and had a seizure. When we arrived, he had already regained consciousness, and he told us that he did have a history of seizures, but he decided to stop taking his medications a long time ago. He said normally when he has seizures, he doesnt go to the hospital. So, we drove him to the hospital, so he could get a prescription for seizure meds which he wasnt going to fill. Hospital Shopping 14:31 We were called to the apartment of a 55 y/o HF who was CO abdominal pain for the past few weeks. She said, "I wen to the hospita righ here close to my house las nigh, [her tone changes to an accusatory tone, and she begins to cry] but they refuse to trea me...I din thing they cou do tha." I asked her if the hospital did anything to help her, or if they just refused to see her. She said, [still crying] "well...yeah, they ran a bonch of tests and stoff and tol me I migh have diverticulitis, but then they tol me they wunt give me no drugs or nothin...they tol me I shud go to the county hospita if I wan to get drugs and further treatmen." So she went home, decided to wait about 12 hours, and then called a 911 emergency ambulance to take her to the county hospital. When we got to the county hospital, we walked her to the waiting room, and she got in line behind about 150 other people (about an 10-12 hour wait). Very Ambulatory Hobo With Ankle Problem 17:16 We were called to a nearby fire station for a 65 y/o BM hobo with a hurt ankle, due to being hit by a car some time the night before. He walked a few miles to get to the fire station, walked into the station, and then walked into the ambulance, without any sign of distress. We took him to the hospital, and he walked to the waiting room, where Id bet he walked out within a few hours. Rear-Ended By Some Heroes, What Could Be More Reassuring? 19:24 A fire truck ran into the back of an SUV, because, according to the driver of the fire truck, the lady didnt pull to the right, and he had his lights and sirens on. The lady told us she couldnt pull to the right because there was traffic, so she just stopped where she was. Then she said, "I didnt think they could just run into the back end of my car if I couldnt pull to the right." I told her she probably had a pretty good point. She said she was terrified when she got hit, but then she saw the reassuring sight of a firefighter approaching her. She said that, instead of being reassuring, the hero began yelling at her, asking her why she didnt pull to the right. Thats the way to be a hero...he may have rear-ended a helpless, innocent lady, but at least he made her feel bad about getting rear-ended. There werent any injuries, but the firefighters called an ambulance anyway, just to CYA. We Are Medical Geniuses 20:49 We responded to the home of an 80 y/o HF who fell out of her chair and couldnt get back up, which is a regular occurrence. When we got there, the husband was just arriving. He went in the house and picked her up. Then he walked her outside and asked us if we could check her out. We asked if she wanted to go to the hospital, since were not doctors, and we cant really tell if youre OK or not OK, unless youre having a major problem (bleeding out of an artery in the neck, for example). They resolutely refused to go to the hospital and asked us again to just check her out right here, "like we did last time." Its so cute when people think we know enough about medicine to tell them if theyre OK or not OK. So, we "checked her out," with our all-knowing, magical blood pressure cuff, and gave her a clean bill of health. They were satisfied with that. What Can an Ambulance Do For a Broken Arm, You May Ask? 22:16 We responded to a street corner for a 15 y/o HM who had fallen down on his bicycle and hurt his arm. He had an obvious deformity to his forearm (broken arm). So we wrapped a placebo around his arm (crappy splint and a wrap) and drove him to the hospital. I tried to make the ride smooth, but he moaned every time we hit a bump...we have terrible suspension in the ambulance. 14 y/o Drinking Her Problems Away 23:16 Its that girl that had the tree limb fall on her arm (14 y/o WF). This time her father called 911 and reported she was unconscious/possible cardiac arrest. Her dad is actually a doctor. When we got there, she was lying on the ground, conscious, and puking green alcohol-smelling stuff (there was a bottle of watermelon-flavored Midori on the counter). We asked her if she had anything to drink. We expected this to be a stupid question, and we expected her to say, "duhhh...of course I did." Instead, she denied having anything to drink, even though she was puking green alcohol. Her dad also insisted it was not alcohol, saying it was more likely a hypoglycemic reaction, even though her blood sugar was normal. On the way to the hospital, she finally admitted that she might have drunk 5 shots and had some green Otter Pops. By the way, good news...her arm was healing quite nicely, and she was starting to be able to use her hand again. Motorcycle Wreck...Probably Not Going to Make It 1:00 We were called to a Papa Johns restaurant for a motorcycle wreck, with a possible severed thumb...Ho-hum, right?. Well, when we got there, we found a 30 y/o HM lying on the ground, unconscious, with a deformed left femur and multiple contusions to his torso. The motorcycle was demolished. He apparently ran into Papa Johns at around 40 MPH. They said he was pulling in (he was a delivery driver), and all of the sudden, he just sped up and hit the wall. We called a fire truck and a paramedic squad, put a c-collar on his neck, put a traction splint on his leg, stripped him down, put him on a backboard, wrapped his thumb, and hauled ass to the hospital. He actually regained consciousness on the way to the hospital, but they had to knock him out again to tube him, since he had dimished breath sounds and a pulse Ox of 80. Later, the doctor told me the outlook was not good. He had a ruptured spleen, liver, and lung. We tried. Here Come the Cops, Quick, Eat the Drugs... 2:42 The police called us for an OD. They watched a 48 y/o WF buy drugs from a guy, they followed her, and when they went to arrest her, she swallowed two crack rocks. After about 30-45 minutes, the police decided to call us, so that we could drive her to the hospital. We got her out of the police car, walked her to the ambulance, and drove her to the hospital. She said she felt fine, and she looked OK (pulse was a little high...around 100), but we took her anyway, because the police didnt want to take her. We dropped her off in the shock room where Im sure they were about to pump her stomach. When we dropped her off, she still felt fine, 1 1/2 hours after ingesting the drugs. Wrecker Drivers Being Heroes...Errr...Creating Business... 3:45 We were called to an unconscious person in a Walgreens parking lot. When we showed up, we found out it was a drunk person who decided to pull into a parking lot and sleep it off. We healed him by tapping on his window and waking him up. A tow truck driver was the hero who called us. Tow truck drivers actually do this quite often. They drive around and find people sleeping in their cars on the side of the road. Theyre hoping the person will be taken by either the ambulance or the police, and theyll get to tow the car. The police ended up taking this one for DUI/PI, and the wrecker driver was rewarded with a tow. 2 Cars, 1 Pole, No People... 3:56 We were called to a motor vehicle accident. When we got there, we found a car, which had run into a pole, but there were no people. The people who live near the accident said the guy hit the pole, then the car behind him hit the back end of his car. The driver of the car that hit the pole jumped out of his car and got in the car of the person who ran into the back end of his car, and then they drove away in a car that barely moved, due to extensive damage. So...the people did what responsible citizens do best, they called 911 for an ambulance for a guy who took off.

Metro Bus Boo-boo 7:48 We responded to a fall on a Metro Bus. Reportedly, a handicap person fell down inside of the bus, and the Metro driver called an ambulance. The pt. was a 45 y/o seemingly retarded BF, who was complaining of a boo-boo (little-to-no pain) to her left leg. She told the bus driver that she didnt want no ambulance, but he called anyway, because he said, "...JUST TO BE SAFE...you never can be too safe." Hospital Next Door Not Good Enough For a Free-Loader 8:24 We responded to the home of a 65 y/o BF CO chest pain. Her home is less than one block from a hospital. She said she called us because she wanted to go to a hospital 35 miles away. We told her we wouldnt take her to that hospital; it was too far. She got really mad at us that we wouldnt drive her 35 miles away for her life-threatening, emergency chest pain situation. We asked her why she didnt want to go to the hospital next door, and she said it was a bad hospital. She didnt have any medical insurance, which is probably why she wanted to go to a better hospital...as long as she wasnt paying for it, why not go to the most expensive hospital? I guess beggars CAN be choosers. Upon further questioning, she told us she was just diagnosed with kidney stones two days ago, and she revealed that it actually hurts more around her kidneys than her chest, and it feels just like it felt two days ago when she went to the hospital for kidney stones (she originally called it "chest pain" because she thought it would get her taken care of faster). She opted to walk from her house to the ambulance, parked in the street, which was half the distance of the walk to the hospital next door. Then we drove her to a hospital 5 miles away, passing the hospital next to her house on our way. Do-Gooder Thought He Was the Only One on the Road With a Cell Phone 10:05 We were called to a 3-car accident on the freeway. We were called by someone who was driving by. We called the caller to find out exactly where the accident was, and he said that he didnt know if there were any injuries. He called JUST TO BE SAFE. It turns out there were no injuries. When are these brain-dead, do-gooders going to learn that if someone wants an ambulance, theyll call for an ambulance on their own damned cell phone? Did this guy really think he was the only driver on the road with a phone? Attention Harry-the-Hero, its not 1989, youre not the only one with a car-phone; everyone has at least one cell phone. Nobody needs you to call 911 for them while youre driving by at 65 MPH, not knowing where you are or if anybody actually needs an ambulance. The Overturned Truck Driver Was the Only One That Didnt Need an Ambulance 10:27 We were called to another 3-car accident at an intersection. A 55 y/o BF, driving a VW Beetle with minor damage, said she had pain in her chest from the seatbelt. She said she wanted to go to the hospital JUST TO BE SAFE. When we put a C-collar on her and taped her down to a backboard (which is the ONLY thing an ambulance can do for you when youre in a car accident...stabilize your spine), she told us, "I don wan no neck braze on...I think I might be clastrophobic." So we took her to the hospital without the only thing we can do to help. Then there was a 39 y/o BM delivery driver in a truck, with VERY minor damage, who decided he needed to go to the hospital to have them look at his minor pain in his left leg, JUST TO BE SAFE. He also complained about the backboard to which we duct taped him. The third driver was a 40 y/o HM, whose truck was flipped on its side, and he said that he was fine and didnt need an ambulance. Somehow the person who causes the accident almost never needs an ambulance, and the victims almost always need an ambulance. Interesting stuff... Hot Chick 12:30 We responded to the home of a 61 y/o HF CO sudden, unexplainable dizziness and altered consciousness. Maybe it had something to do with cooking food all day in an extremely hot kitchen, without eating. When we got her out of the kitchen, she stopped feeling dizzy and regained consciousness. We healed her. She said she didnt want to go to the hospital, but her husband insisted on her going to the hospital in the ambulance, JUST TO BE SAFE. Her vitals were perfect, but we took her anyway, cause were puppets on a string. A Passer-by Mistook a Drunk Person for Seizures 14:00 We were called to a person with seizures. We were disregarded before we got there when a fire truck arrived and found out it was just a drunk dude. Someone else called for him, JUST TO BE SAFE. The guy who called us either really cared about the well-being of the drunk guy in front of his house, or he was aware of the fact that, if you want to get a hobo off your front lawn, youre better off calling an ambulance than calling the police. The police get to decide if they want to respond to your emergency situation, and they often exercise their right to ignore your request for help, but the ambulance is obligated to respond. One Tiny, Dried-up Cut 15:33 We were called, by a fire truck, to a 42 y/o WM who had driven his car into the safety barrels on the freeway. He said he was just driving along, minding his own business, and "the car in front of him suddenly stopped for no reason." He had nowhere to go, so he hit the barrels, but it was the fault of the guy in front of him. The guys on the fire truck said they stopped when they drove up on the accident, and they called us JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE. They wanted us to "check him out" with our highly advanced, ambulance-mounted, injury detectolator. They dont have those mounted on fire trucks yet. It turns out the guy didnt feel like he needed an ambulance for his tiny, dried-up cut on his arm. Didnt Know How to Use Benadryl Pills 17:21 We responded to the home of a 65 y/o WF CO an allergic reaction. She told us she would rather not go to the hospital if she didnt have to go. Her family called an ambulance for her because she had a swollen tongue and itchy skin, JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE. She had no signs of hives or a swollen tongue, and her vitals were normal. It turns out she has anxiety problems, and this happens every now and then. We were talking to her for about 20 minutes, and her allergic reaction miraculously subsided, so she decided she didnt need an ambulance to go to the hospital. A paramedic also explained to her the purpose and proper administration of over-the-counter Benadryl, which she had in her possession but had not taken. Injury Victim Realized He Didnt Need an Ambulance After All 19:01 We were called to an injury at the park, but we were disregarded because the person decided to leave. Im getting tired of people realizing theyre better off handling their medical problems themselves, rather than using gubment-funded ambulances; theyre going to put the gubment (and me) out of work. Sick Guy 2 Blocks From Hospital 19:35 We responded to the home of an 82 y/o WM, living 2 blocks from the hospital (3 miles from the fire station). He CO feeling a little bit sick for the past couple of days. He had his grandson and two LVNs at the house, and they decided to call US (he was able to walk). So...we took him to the hospital, 2 blocks away. From the time they called us for their highly emergent medical situation, until the time we delivered the man to the hospital, was about 45 minutes, including response time (10 min.), assessment time (20 min), loading time (5 min), transport time (5 min), and unloading time (5 min). It would have taken them approximately 4 minutes to get him to the hospital without the ambulance. Chest Pains 1:45 We responded to the home of an 87 y/o WM CO chest pains. He wanted to go to the hospital JUST TO BE SAFE. EKG says hes OK, but what do we know?

This is a little departure from the ambulance-related stuff, but its related to the overarching theme of this blog...less government; more freedom. Are you one of those lunatics that actually still believes in freedom? Do you have trouble swallowing the idea that the U.S. is the free-est country on earth? Does it make you sick to hear "Im proud to be an American, where at least I know Im free..." or "...Oer the land of the FREE and the home of the brave..." or "...With liberty and justice for all"? This article is about an economic freedom index, which indicates that the U.S. is slipping in its ranking as a free country... Economic freedom, though on the rise around the world, has significantly declined in the U.S. over the past several years. Thats the disturbing finding of the 2008 Economic Freedom of the World Annual Report, a highly-regarded study of economic freedom around the world prepared by a team of scholars coordinated by the libertarian Cato Institute in conjunction with the Fraser Institute of Canada. In the 2000 report the U.S. was ranked the second-freest economy. This year, however, the U.S. has fallen to 8th place, behind Hong Kong (ranked first), Singapore, New Zealand, Switzerland, the United Kingdom, Chile, and Canada. Yes, the U.S. now ranks behind Canada in overall economic freedom, even allowing for Canadas socialized medical system. According to the Cato Institute, "President Bushs tenure has had a clear negative effect on economic freedom ratings." Economic Freedom of the World ranks 141 countries on a range of factors in five broad areas: 1) size of government; 2) legal structure and security of property rights; 3) access to sound money; 4) freedom to trade internationally; and 5) regulation of credit, labor and business. More significant than the U.S.s drop in the rankings is its fall in the amount of economic freedom measured: on a scale of 0-10, the U.S. fell from 8.55 in 2000 to 8.04, according to the Report. Only five countries have experienced a greater decline over the same time period: Zimbabwe, Argentina, Niger, Venezuela, and Guyana. "The rule of law, government spending, and regulation are the areas where the United States saw the most troubling declines in its ratings this decade," observes Ian Vasquez, director of Catos Center for Global Liberty and Prosperity. These ratings are for the year 2006, the most recent year for which comprehensive data are available. As it has in previous years, the Report found a strong positive relationship between economic freedom and poverty reduction. "Numerous studies have shown that countries with more economic freedom grow more rapidly and achieve higher per-capita income levels than those that are less free," notes the Report. "Nations in the top quartile of economic freedom have an average per-capita GDP of $31,480 in 2006, compared to $3,882 for those nations in the bottom quartile in constant 2005 international dollars." Where there are free markets, there is abundance. Heavy government control of market activity reduces prosperity and wreaks havoc. Those scrambling to reshape the American economy would do well to remember that. (Source: Cato Institute http://www.cato.org/pubs/efw/ ) Click on the Map for a better view...